1.11.11

my little girl's birthday. it is such a cliche, but man, time really flies! when i think back to that night of her birth, which (thankfully?) i can remember in vivid detail because of my labor's short time-span and a lack of any medication, what i thin of the most is the surprise. i watched the video (immediately after the birth, not during!) recently and i just kept saying over and over, "it's a girl", and the nurses were laughing at me. i was certain she was a boy. of course i secretly wanted a girl....my second thought is that my mom was going to be ecstatic. she made no bones about the fact that she wanted a girl.

her birthday was really a lot of fun to plan. i am sure that the three people who read this are facebook friends, so i am not going to post any photos, but i am pretty sure i will not take on so many crafts for another birthday. unless benson really loves me and lets me be a stay at home mom once ALL the kids are in school too! crafting with a baby (or gods, 2!) means having everything else done in time for naps, so you can utilize that time efficiently, or more likely, staying up until 1 am for a week or so! of course it was worth it, it turned out quite well, but i can see with 2 kids it would be too much. also, having family members (mal and trey) come down a day early to help/play with sibby while i was cleaning, is necessary!

so happy birthday to my little grumpkin! you wont remember your party, but we have some awesome photos of you with black icing covering your head, face and torso! i am thinking rehearsal dinner!

Sibyl O'Connor at 1

so sibbs might not have changed much in size over the past year (born at 6 lbs 14 ozs, now weighs 14 lbs. 13 ozs with clothes on) but her personality has definitely bloomed. first of all, she is going through a really loving stage right now which i am trying to appreciate every moment, because they fly through stages. she loves kissing. she does the open mouth kiss to most people who request one, and even some who don't, such as my dogs, sadie especially. when she wants you to pick her up, she puts her arms all the way around your neck and pats your back. it seriously makes me want to weep! she also loves to copy you. so right now she is "smelling flowers" but actually blows air out instead of in, shaking her hand and saying hot, and blowing when she sees a candle, or steam from cooking...pointing to herself when we say sibby, pointing to her nose when we say nose, and says moo everytime she sees a cow. her signature smile right now is her head thrown back, huge grin, with a crinkled up nose. it is ADORABLE! she also has a temper. i am not sure where this originated because benson and i are mellow people (unless he is in traffic) but she has been known to throw herself backwards in anger. i would say 98% of the day she is easy going and happy, but when something doesnt go her way that she wants....it is on like donkey kong.

she seems to play well with other babies. i try to make play dates at least once a week for her (and me!). sometimes they do the thing where they both want what the other one has, but otherwise she loves other babies.

she is almost walking i think. she holds on very loosely to your hands now when she is trying to walk. she pulls herself up constantly. she loves for me to crawl with her and "race". FINALLY she is into books. up until now she wanted out of my lap and into the floor. now she wants to stay there for like, 30 minutes at a time, and seems to choose books (by throwing the one i am reading on the floor and reaching for another). she prefers Beatrix Potter's the "tale of tom kitten" and Dr Suess' "ABC book".

we have her watch a 10 minute reading dvd about 2-4 times a week but otherwise (unless my family is here) we have a no tv on while sibby is awake rule. she doesnt even seem to notice when the tv is on in waycross unless it is sports, which made benson really happy! i want to continue this rule until she is 2 or 3. it makes me deliriously happy that the few times she has been in with the tv on, it doesnt hold her gaze more than a few seconds. i am hoping to keep technology away from her for as long as possible. she tries to take my iphone when i have it out, so i have had to not "play" on it when she is around, although i do use it for phone calls and put happy and poppy on speaker phone! i dont know, i have a lot of ideas about this, but we will see what happens in the long run. you cant hide it forever.

on another note we are starting to talk about possibly moving. i am very ambivalent about our house but i now that we could not survive with another baby in here for very long. we have to use the third bedroom for my parents (the goal would be to have the baby sometime in or before summer so mom can spend a lot of time here) so we could only stay here long enough to keep the baby in the bassinet in our room....although i have lived in atlanta for 4.5 years i do not know much about the neighborhoods here. i am getting nervous already because it is just not easy here....there are so many factors....what is quickly becoming a huge factor for me is distance from benson's work. he sees sibby for about 30-45 minutes a day now, and if we moved further out, that would only decrease. i am not willing for that to happen. so if we have to stay in a cruddy neighborhood like the one we are in now, so be it.

oh and here are her favorite words at 1: 1) hot. this has to be her absolute favorite! everytime she sees a candle or smoke/mist/fog etc. she says hot! 2) mama and dada and gaga 3) moo when she sees a cow 4) dog 5) clock tick tock etc. she is obsessed with clocks, and when she says tick tock she whispers 6) cracker (one of her faves too) 7) night night 8) hi/bye

anyhoo---i have to hurry and get ready for church! maybe i will update in another 6 months!

tiniest baby on the block

i know i havent updated in so long that this blog does not even technically exist anymore, but i guess i just need a tiny outlet today. we had sibby's 9 month (even though she is a week away from 10 months) well visit yesterday. i am sure everyone knows from my fb updates that sibby is a shrimp. i held my breath as the nurse put her on the scale hoping for a 13, perhaps even 14 lbs to show up...and......ouch :( still 12. 12 lbs and 14 ozs to be exact, so she has gained. just so slowly that it doesnt seem like she has. at her 4 month appt she weighed 12 lbs. exactly. six months later, she has gained 14 ozs.

now luckily, i have such an awesome, laid-back doctor. he doesnt even bring it up! no questions about feeding schedules or how much she takes in, etc. i asked him near the end of the visit about her static weight. he said it isn't even worth discussing because he can take one look at her and know that she is perfectly healthy. he said that mentally, she is about 3 months ahead of the curve (go girl!) and that she would not be making those leaps, as well as height and head circumference growth, if she was not getting enough food or had an issue. and of course, i know that she is healthy and fine, but seriously i cant stand the comments. at first it didnt bother me, but the older she gets, the more they bother me. so yes my baby is the size of your 2 month old, but doc says she will always be thin and most likely, petite in height as well. he said she will be grateful for that metabolism one day.

ok, i feel a little bit better now! on to some of the more positive things that have been occurring with her. so she is a genius. you heard it here first! at 7 months she was pronouncing mama, dada, hi and sometimes baby. now she actually puts an association with those words. she waves hi and bye, claps, is trying to stand, has mastered the commando crawl, plays peek a boo by putting the sheet over her head, figures out games SUPER quickly, "reads" to herself by flipping through books and babbling, tries any finger food you put her way, and feeds herself with a spoon. she is amazing and watching those little wheels spinning around is amazing.

she is still a mama's girl all the way. i wear her about 2 hours a day at least, so i am sure that has something to do with it! and the nursing, and me being home with her......she loves daddy though and has so much fun with him. she totally recognizes my parents from all of the weeks she has spent with them. she is going to have her first spend the night with my in-laws this weekend....nervous! she hasnt been away from me for more than 2-3 hours so far!

she is finally starting to get over stranger anxiety. FINALLY! she still has separation anxiety, but at least she doesnt scream at little old ladies in the grocery store anymore. she is stubborn and strong willed. she is also not exactly one of those "into everything, running around, scooting/crawling around" babies. she prefers to stay in one place.

she has made my heart grow sooooo big. i am the most blessed girl i know for being able to stay home with her. it seriously has been the blessing of my life. and i am so grateful to benson who appreciates what it has done for sibby and for me. i believe i was born for this....for taking care of my husband and my bab(y)ies!

crush

after talking with my sister-in-law, my hubbs and everyone else i know i have come to the foregone conclusion that there is something wrong with me. why are my celebrity crushes so.....out there (old)?

below are the fellas that benson better pray i never actually meet

1. alan rickman
2. sam elliott
3. brendan gleeson
4. liam neeson
5. viggo mortensen

yes, they are all over the age of (viggo is what, 45?)...the rest hover around 60 (or 70)...

is this an actual disorder?









dang. these posted in reverse order! we all know alan is #1 in my heart.

ruminations

my little thumbelina continues to change and amaze me daily. i feel like she has always been a part of our lives, and often catch myself saying, oh, well she was doing that/stopped doing that months ago. no betsy, she was not even born months ago! he is still so new, and i am constantly surprised at how quickly they change and how fast they learn to be a part of the world. knowing that babies learn from you and from copying you, there is a pressure to always be your best....to be the person you have always wanted to be so that your child will have the best example. i keep thinking, gosh soon i am not going to be able to get away with _______. (cursing under my breath, getting up in arms in traffic, saying something less than nice about someone) but really, that has to start now. really, yesterday.
at the same time, i have read many interesting articles (most recently this month's atlantic, if you get it) about how the incessant coddling, and protecting our children from the harsher realities of life actually sets them up got unreasonable expectations as adults. of course, this makes sense. everyone does not get a trophy in the real world for being on the losing soccer team. children need to learn it is okay to fail, and yes, get upset about it but then get over it. supposedly psychiatrists are seeing a tide of 20 and 30 somethings come into their office saying they had the perfect childhood and they don't understand why they are not happy all of the time, and this depresses them. the point being, they have been led to expect a constant state of fulfillment and happiness, at praise for everything they do....and that we, as parents, are setting our children up for this by praising every correctly tied shoelace, or every time the baby rolls over. that by amending our personalities to always seem happy and delightful in front of our children, we are denying them the chance to learn at an early age (where most of our learning actually happens) how to deal with less than stellar emotions.
these are just the ruminations of a new parent who wants to do the best she can. i am sure there is a middle road, and that at the end of the day you have to just go with what feels natural. everyone has to do what works for them. i am not sure why our culture puts so much emphasis on every bit of daily minutiae. whether your question is when to start solids, how to bathe your child, how to get them to sleep or when to comfort them if they are crying; there is a plethora of opinions, each stating that failure to do x, y or z will result in your child's eventual demise! well, not exactly, but the accusations fly across the table whether you are reading a baby book, or researching on the internet - that this small, personal choice will ruin your baby's relationship with you, or cause problems later in life. i guess today i am just feeling over inundated with conflicting advice (solids) and it is causing me to over think. ok, trying to deactivate my brain now!

loving may (so far)

being a new mum definitely has its ups and downs. so far may has been full of ups and el sib and i have been very happy. she is still just a little slip of a thing; she just reached the 12 pound mark and is often mistaken for a much younger baby. i think she is reaching all of the milestones on track....i dont really read up on them, or know what they are---but i see what other girls write on their blogs and she seems to be progressing normally! one thing i really love about my pediatrician is that he is so laid back and does not give a mom information that will lead to worrying. for example, i didnt know sib was small until my lactation consultant pointed it out. my doc doesnt mention percentages, or percentiles. he asks about what she has achieved and doesnt point out things that she has not reached yet. that matches my style perfectly.

i dont really have time to plan out what i am going to blog about in advance but i am going to attempt a list of things loved so far in this wonderful month of may!

1. 4 months- sib has changed so much in the past few weeks. when she turned 16 weeks, it was like a light went off in her little cabbage head. all of a sudden she really noticed the things going on in the world around her. she loves the dogs, she loves tummy time, she loves walks, she loves benson most of all (whew, a bit of a relief)! she is so happy, and does a hilarious giggle and even a bit of a cackle. she likes to be tickled too. love, love, love having a 4 month old. can i freeze her at this stage, like forever?

2. nursing- so not to talk about boobs or anything....i know people have different experiences nursing, especially in the beginning when it is hard, and you are trying to time things, figure out when to switch boobs, wonder if you have enough milk, etc. however, i just want to put out there for anyone considering quitting during the first 2 months- just wait it out. nursing is the most rewarding part of being a mother. we have a new little habit now which i love- benson brings sib to me when she wakes up at 7 and we nurse in bed, lying down. i had trouble with this position in the beginning but now she seems to have the neck and mouth control to do it well. we sit and play in bed afterwards and those are her sweetest moments of the day. i love how she uses her hands while nursing....i feel most bonded to her while nursing. just love it and love the way the Lord designed our bodies to sustain our babies.

3. mommy and me class - on tuesdays i go to a local class which focuses on nursing (it is led by a lactation consultant) and it is such a great way to connect with other moms. being a stay at home mom (sahm) can be a bit isolating if you dont try to get out there...especially since i do not know any other sahm's and am a bit of an introvert anyways.

4. a song of ice and fire- ok...so really i started this series in april, but am finishing the fourth book in may. this is a fantasy series written by george r.r. martin and i could not be anymore obsessed. you have to be obsessed to finishing 4, 500+ page books in 3 weeks. although this is typical behavior for me, this series takes me in a slightly different direction. everyone knows i am a big time nerd...but i guess i thought my fantasy fascination was confined to lord of the rings and the histories of middle earth and harry potter. benson begged me not to start this series (he is afraid of the rabbit hole i might fall into, considering i am a 28 year old female who collects comics) but now he is as addicted to it as i am. looks like i am going to officially start haunting the fantasy section of barnes and noble, not just the graphic novel section. by the way, the males you see in these 2 sections (a female is a rare sighting) are generally very interesting characters.

5. masterpiece classics - i love gpb/pbs. just want to put out there that i am pretty uncritical (is that a word?) of historical fiction in film. i love the language, i love the costumes and filming locations. south riding is the new one i am watching and it is awesome. i loathe to let sibby watch any tv....but it is ok if it is this type of show, right? (i regret to inform you that sibby is fascinated by the tv, so i am careful to only let her watch nerdy shows....oh, and the soup)

6. my box turtle - sibby and i have a new pet box turtle that appears outside of her bedroom window (the patio) every other day around 8 am. we feed him grapes. he likes the grapes, but not the interruption.

7. benson working from home on friday - sometimes benson will work at home. it is such a great day for me....i dont like to do errands on the weekends. when he works from home on friday, i can leave her when she is napping with benson and i can go do errands which are cumbersome with a baby. for ex. printing pics at cvs. she would be bored 3 minutes in...and it takes FOREVER to pick them out when your camera card holds 1000+ photos.

8. etsy - ok, so i have loved etsy for years, buy i have found some particularly awesome finds this month. sib's baptism invites, a necklace for my mom for mothers day, a fox (!) teething ring for sibby with her name carved into it....i LOVE etsy.

9. fabric shopping- i am trying to find some fabric for my dining room. i really do enjoy shopping for fabric but unfortunately i am not to great at matching. i love vibrant fabrics with motifs, not a simple pattern. i hope my house does not send someone into an epileptic fit or cause nausea from all of the clashing colors. if you turn in circles it might be a bit like the tilt-a-whirl.

10.alfred lord tennyson - ulysses has been my favorite poem for years. now i am determined to read it to sibby twice a day so that she can be one of those child prodigies that recite poems at the age of 2. despite the fact that ulysses is about how death hangs over us as we age, and the effort to not become complacent and useless, i think it is stirring and inspiring. it makes me want to "follow knowledge like a sinking star, beyond the upmost bound of human thought"
i am a bit morbid in that i have had my funeral arranged since i was young. my tombstone shall read : come my friends! tis not to late to seek a newer world. push off and sitting well in order, smite the sounding furrows. for my purpose holds to sail beyond the sunset and the baths of all the western stars until i die.
i also want a marble bear on top of a ten ft. obelisk to guard my burial site. yep. i do.


have to go. as a warning, or an apology i am not going to reread or spell check this. no time!!

16 weeks

Today the Sibbster, El Sibonator, et al. is 16 weeks old. The cliche that time flies has never been proven so true until parenthood. Looking back on this blog, which has been woefully put aside since 1.11.11, I find it particularly hilarious to read my post on 1.10.11. I wrote nervously and you can tell I wasn't quite ready for the baby to come...but it was only a few hours later when my water broke. That is what I liked about keeping a blog/journal is that it takes you back to a certain time frame and state of mind which is very easy to forget. So with that said, and I am making no promises here, I hope to update this once a week...so at least I can remember the different struggles and milestones we met along the way.

Lessons Learned

If I could say one thing to Betsy Ward around week one or two of Sibby's existence, it would be the following: Give her a bottle earlier rather than later. The boob consultants told me to wait 4-6 weeks to introduce the bottle....well, now she won't take it. Hopefully I will remember this for round 2.
Also, if it is possible, try to hand your baby off to other people when they are around. Sibby is already showing MAJOR signs of being a mama's girl. I know it is cute, and I am ob.ses.sed with her....but I want her to like her daddy....and be happy with her grandparents, etc. There is a danger zone with being a stay-at-home-mom, exclusive nurser, baby-wearing fool...I am experiencing the repercussions now...Sibby basically only wants me (Uncle Trey is somehow excluded from the list of no no's).
Future self: Don't drop your baby in the water, hit her head on wooden objects or chandeliers. Be more careful!

Milestones
El Sib is probably going to be a petite lady. She is not growing like a weed, more like a small violet you keep indoors. She is 12 pounds, 22 inches at 4 months. I know people whose babies were bigger than that at 3 weeks. Heck, almost at birth. I am not worried; she has rolls on her small frame and is happy and content...but she might inherit her father's stature.
Despite her size, she is pretty strong for a young lass. She can roll over one way, and yesterday she even rolled from her back to her stomach. She can support all of her weight on her legs, and is a champ at neck control. She can follow us all around a room with her swively head and eagle eyes. The baby books keep mentioning "reaching for toys"...we don't really play with toys, so I am not sure about that one. If she is not napping or nursing, I am generally face to face with her, doing tummy time on a blanket, or she is in her vibrating chair watching me workout, clean, cook dinner, etc. Should I start giving here toys? I figure throughout history babies didn't really have toys...maybe a rag doll, or a wooden figurine...so she should be cool. I also detest plastic stuff strung around the house. Da Vinci didn't have vibrating, singing, multi-colored accessories and he turned out to be a pretty smart guy.
I might not be a fan of toys, but I am an idiot for baby clothes. I said (I love eating my words!) that is is silly to waste money on baby clothes, blah, blah, blah. I also assumed I would like more modern outfits....No, wrong, try again, go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $100. I want Sibby to wear her smocked outfits until middle school (like I did)! I loved pantaloons, victorian collars and gingham. I want her to wear beautiful smocked clothes everywhere. And as she gets older I want her church dresses to be so old fashioned that she could have walked right out of a tin type from 1870. It is so funny to me that having a child changes so many ideas you might have previously held, and all of the ruminations you daydreamed of how you were going to raise your child changed the minute you actually saw that face. I willingly admit I was so wrong on so many things!
The little Niblet is awesome at the grocery store, shopping, etc. excepting the car ride. She is not a fan of the car seat. She loves to be outside and watch the bumblebees fight. I hope we have a budding animal lover (like mommy). I have a photo of her at 10 weeks old with a garden snake...I am sure most people find that revolting and want to call DFCS on me but I want her to learn the way I did, from experience, that all animals are awesome....even snakes and spiders.
Watching Benson with our daughter is the highlight of my life...especially on the weekends when she is in a good mood. When he comes home at night it is almost bedtime and Sibbs is not always so lovey dovey!
Sibby is mostly good at church. She has attended since she was 4 weeks and Easter is the only time I had to get up with her. Her schedule was way off on Easter, poor thing.

Ok, the little girl is waking up...Back to reality. I love you Sibby! Happy 16 weeks!

lame superpowers

i have recently discovered that pregnancy, childbirth and childrearing might imbue you with a new set of superpowers....or at least superhuman abilities. instead of a radioactive spider you have the pain of labor and birth and the ever present fear that something will happen to your baby. the effect is not nearly as stunning as spiderman's magic production of webs from his fingertips but hey...it is cooler than what i had before the baby!

a. supersonic hearing- i swear i can hear her sigh at the other end of the house. i am so attuned and in tune with her bodily functions that i really do not understand the need for a baby monitor (unless you live in a 2 story house...)

b. lightening fast cleaning abilities- ok, i am going to brag here because i seriously cannot believe how much i can accomplish in one nap time, let alone one full day. let me preface with this fact: i have never been a good housekeeper. benson used to find dirty dishes under my bed in college. and before sibby was born i probably washed our dog-nose-smeared windows once a year. since her arrival i have felt a very keen need to have the house clean at all times. example. in the past 2 days i have vacuumed, mopped the tile and hardwood floors, washed the windows in the house, dusted throughout, oiled the wood furniture, removed that hard to reach dust atop the tall bookcases, planted flowers, hung up pictures in sibby's room, wrote many thank you notes (and actually mailed them, another bad habit of mine), cleaned every crevice of the kitchen cabinets with bleach spray, cooked two "real" dinners, swept the carport, cleaned the molding and baseboards, attended a mommy and me class, visited a sick friend, went shopping and to walmart at 7 am to buy benson jean shorts (dont ask) and have actually stayed on track with my new work out routine. seriously even though i didnt work when i was pregnant i would not have accomplished that much in a week!

c. super human love- ok, i know this is lame, but i just realized i have to hurry and wrap this post up! i have the opposite problem of the grinch and my heart is ten sizes too big. what is interesting in sibby is not the only recipient of this growing heart. who knew that after loving my benson for 10 years that i could feel soooo much more in love with him after seeing him be a father? i now love my mom much more fully and deeply after realizing what she went through with me and how much she loves me after feeling it myself for my daughter. i also now love every child i meet, hear about, or who exists somewhere on this planet. now i understand why people cant listen to the news. i fall to pieces thinking that a child is suffering somewhere. while it used to make me sad or angry in a theoretical sense about the wars, fighting, abuses, etc. i now have a very painful heartache considering the hurt of one child anywhere. it is so much more real to me now, because everyone is someone's baby, someones whole world.

in an aside, while thinking about superpowers i remembered captain planet. seriously, could there be a bigger loser of a superhero? dont get me wrong, i love the planet. i read national geographic, recycle and use cloth diapers! but his goal as a superhero is to "take pollution down to zero"? this opinion is coming from someone who read the comic concrete, where the superhero is just made of concrete! and swamp thing, where the superhero is made of mud and lives in a bog! even those lowly heroes seems rad compared to captain planet and his awful theme song.