ruminations

my little thumbelina continues to change and amaze me daily. i feel like she has always been a part of our lives, and often catch myself saying, oh, well she was doing that/stopped doing that months ago. no betsy, she was not even born months ago! he is still so new, and i am constantly surprised at how quickly they change and how fast they learn to be a part of the world. knowing that babies learn from you and from copying you, there is a pressure to always be your best....to be the person you have always wanted to be so that your child will have the best example. i keep thinking, gosh soon i am not going to be able to get away with _______. (cursing under my breath, getting up in arms in traffic, saying something less than nice about someone) but really, that has to start now. really, yesterday.
at the same time, i have read many interesting articles (most recently this month's atlantic, if you get it) about how the incessant coddling, and protecting our children from the harsher realities of life actually sets them up got unreasonable expectations as adults. of course, this makes sense. everyone does not get a trophy in the real world for being on the losing soccer team. children need to learn it is okay to fail, and yes, get upset about it but then get over it. supposedly psychiatrists are seeing a tide of 20 and 30 somethings come into their office saying they had the perfect childhood and they don't understand why they are not happy all of the time, and this depresses them. the point being, they have been led to expect a constant state of fulfillment and happiness, at praise for everything they do....and that we, as parents, are setting our children up for this by praising every correctly tied shoelace, or every time the baby rolls over. that by amending our personalities to always seem happy and delightful in front of our children, we are denying them the chance to learn at an early age (where most of our learning actually happens) how to deal with less than stellar emotions.
these are just the ruminations of a new parent who wants to do the best she can. i am sure there is a middle road, and that at the end of the day you have to just go with what feels natural. everyone has to do what works for them. i am not sure why our culture puts so much emphasis on every bit of daily minutiae. whether your question is when to start solids, how to bathe your child, how to get them to sleep or when to comfort them if they are crying; there is a plethora of opinions, each stating that failure to do x, y or z will result in your child's eventual demise! well, not exactly, but the accusations fly across the table whether you are reading a baby book, or researching on the internet - that this small, personal choice will ruin your baby's relationship with you, or cause problems later in life. i guess today i am just feeling over inundated with conflicting advice (solids) and it is causing me to over think. ok, trying to deactivate my brain now!